Been to the high, I’ve been to the low And I’ve been to lots of places that I didn’t wanna go..And I laughed at all the jokers want to make me walk on glass ..meanstreak  AC/DC wisdom from a hell of good band

by Anpu's Crone

            Anubis by Jason Engle DiviantArt

 

….oh and I have walked on glass! Lol, also hot coals and through fire that was high enough that I didn’t have to shave my legs for a while.

I was on a quest.  I needed answers.  My life as a child and adolescent had been drenched in pain. Physical pain was constant and was simply dismissed by doctors because they couldn’t find a cause.  I was a social outcast, bullied constantly.  Moving didn’t help. I blamed myself because given fresh new chances I always blew it.  It never occurred to me that social skills were learned and that I never had an opportunity to learn them.  Adults were as bad as my peers.  There was no kindness, no mercy, and no rescue.  I hated myself and I hated everyone else too, although I tried so hard not to.

Being on the outside looking in you get a very clear picture of human societies. It wasn’t a pretty picture but I held onto hope because you see, I saw things others didn’t, knew things others didn’t.  I knew there was something more, something ancient and powerful and I wanted to know a lot more about it.

There was no internet back then and books on anything outside of the mainstream thinking of the times were hard to find.  I had to wait until I had a job and a car to start my quest in earnest.  My method was simple when an opportunity to learn a religion or a ‘way’ presented itself I took it. When i learned of a group, I sought it out and got as involved as I needed to be to learn their ‘secrets’ suspending disbelief during the process.  I kept moving from this to that because while many groups had pieces of ‘truth’ they all also had a lot of limiting and in my opinion silly beliefs and requirements.  From Christian fundamentalism to Satanism, metaphysical and new age gurus,  Bahais and Hinduism, Golden Dawn and Wicca, I learned a great deal.  I stayed with Wicca, Crawley, and Gurdjieff the longest.  I also studied but never joined The Temple of Set. These last four held the most ‘truth’ in my opinion and I have and still do benefit a great deal from studying them.

I lived in a lot of different places and worked a lot of different jobs.  I pushed myself to go past the limits of my fears.  I have worked as a Psych Tech in a psych hospital, a nurses aid in a nursing home, an electrical apprentice at construction sites, a waitress and a cocktail waitress, bakeries, stores, cash office, and call centers. I’ve lived in houses, condos,  apartments a tent and a hotel.  I’ve dated a millionaire and a lot of poor men. I’ve lived in a city, a tiny town in the country, the suburbs and on the bayou.

I made the decision early on not to have children and kept to it.  I was married and divorced twice.  I loved one husband deeply and I regret very much that I had to end that marriage.  I spent many years trying to avoid it but in the end, his behavior demanded that I kick him out and move on with my life.

So after all I’ve lived through, all I’ve done, all the people I’ve known and all that I have studied hear I am.  56 years old.  I’ve given up a house of my own to move back in with my parents.  My mother has Alzheimer’s and end-stage MS so my father, who is in his 80’s though you wouldn’t guess it, could use the help.  So here I am looking for room for my hundreds of books and all the weird occult stuff  I’ve collected. I am currently working at a call center offline fixing coding on accounts.  I am living near Cassadaga Fl home to psychics and more importantly an excellent spiritual teacher by the name of Don Zanghi.  Go to his class or one of his workshops if go there or live nearby.  He doesn’t teach BS.  No new-age silliness.  We disagree on some points but he won’t steer you wrong.

So did I find the answers I was looking for? Yes.  I didn’t necessarily like them but I found them.  As per Crowley’s hunchbacks and soldiers, every answer leads to more questions pushing one ever further. As per The Tao those who know do not tell and those who tell do not know.  If you want to know you have to experience it yourself.  There is no other way.  I’ve had some mind-blowing experiences.  Some with others to verify but more often alone.  Maybe I’m just crazy?  Could be but if so I’ve got a lot of company. It’s been a long strange trip.  Your mileage will vary. Am I enlightened?  Oh hell no but I know what I know and that is enough.

Anubis has been a presence in my life for the past 30 years but I have only come to really know and love Him in the past decade.  Now I follow His guidance on the remainder of my journey.

He is a great teacher and guide . He is gentle and compassionate yet fiercely protective of His own.  Nothing evil can stand in His presence. His energy simply makes it impossible for evil to approach.  Artists often depict Him as fierce, muscular and heavily armed.  It is accurate to the degree that it shows His protectiveness. Do I really believe in this entity?  No.  I have experienced Him.  If you have not experienced a God why would you think He exists?  I don’t like blind faith.  Experience and knowledge, that is the way to go.

If you want to experience Anubis meditate on Him.  If He comes to you then you will know Him without any doubts.   The old Gods are returning in force and many are claiming devotees. If you think He is calling you the only way to know for certain is to meditate and see if He comes to you.

Blessings now and always in the name of my Sweet Lord Anubis.

 

 

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